Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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