how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
