Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
