I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
