I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
