my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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