My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
