He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
