Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
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New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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