Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
