Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
