I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
