when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
