dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
