Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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