I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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