tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
