OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
