Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
