I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
what day is it and did you see me today?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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