Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
