i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Randomize
