i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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