They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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