Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
