life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
