im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
