after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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