Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
