I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
