believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
