I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
