if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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