doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
