I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize