turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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