I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
