There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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