that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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