my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
