he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
