dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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