I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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