note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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