letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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