i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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