just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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