I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
