So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
