no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
