seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
