dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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