Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
