So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I wish I only lived at night.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
