I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
