Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
