Cold hands, warm shart.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
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