Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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