I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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