I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
im drinking this country out of the recession.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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