we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Less talking, more tequila
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
