if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
