Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
