I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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