It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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