i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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