seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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