i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
