belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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