I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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