____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
