why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
