i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
