...so i touched it.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
