fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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