just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Your cock deserves a montage
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
